Sarah's Blog

So a little about me and my background.

I'm a 40 year old single mum, divorced for 10 years and my beautiful though stressful children are 14 and 11 years old. I am a mature student studying my first degree after an accident led to me losing my job. This has left me with a lifetime medical condition that I manage sometimes badly everyday, but I manage. I have been through some very tough times in my life, my now ex husband leaving me and my two children homeless and having to restart our lives not once but now twice.

I have had a problem with my weight since I was 23 years old. I have tried every diet under the sun, sometimes to the point where I have ended up in hospital. Please know I have been desperate enough to lose weight that I have damaged my own life in the process. Now I look at life in a different way, well I am trying to. I want to make my life to be about the things I am going to achieve. I don't want my life to be just something that passes me by anymore. I am making small changes to make my life relavent. I don't want to be stick thin anymore. I don't want to be like the women I see on TV.

I do however want to be healthy and happy. I know that I am going to slip up and old habits will rear their ugly heads but I am human, I will make mistakes but the time has come to accept that I am gonna trip up but if I fall I can pick myself up, dust myself off and get back in the game. I know I am one of many who feel like we have been dealt a rough hand but maybe I should start by picking the cards for my hand in the future. Take back some control in my life and make it count for me. I will laugh at some things and I will break down and cry at other things but they will all mark my path and hopefully be a story I tell when I am old and grey (L'Oreal is covering up the grey for now). Hopefully I can share some of these if not all of these things with everyone else.

You can catch my previous blog posts here

Blog 24
Nope, nope I don’t like this at all. I’m trying to eat puree, and do you know what the puree just isn’t loving me at all. Every time I try to eat I am running to the toilet and throwing it up again. I am not loving this stage at all. I wish I was back on just liquids it was easier. My wounds are healing nicely but I have a weird sensation when I bend over like something pushing against the inside of breastbone. I have an appointment with the surgeon so will ask him when I see him and dietician at the hospital. I am driving now, only small journeys as I get tired so quickly right now but at least I can drive. I still can’t lift anything too heavy till I am 12 weeks post op and right now I am just barely 6 weeks post op. My family have been utterly amazing, and my kids can’t do enough to help. I am genuinely feeling the love from my family right now.


I am a mother and have been for nearly 17 years, it’s only now that I realise just why babies and toddlers cry, complain and whinge A LOT. They can’t move and do what they want and well food is just the weirdest thing on the planet to them. This affectively means that with the way I am right now post-surgery I am roughly about 6 months old. Next time someone says I’m behaving like a baby I can say yep, and I really know how they feel lol. I am having days where I think this just isn’t worth it even if it saves my life. Did I mention my hair is falling out and I am starting to look like Rab C Nesbitt in his hayday? Because I am you know. I have discussed doing a G.I. Jane and shaving my head which my daughter says I should do but my sister says no.


So now it’s time to go see the surgeon and see how I have gotten on. I have no idea why I am nervous waiting to see the surgeon. I know I have lost weight as I am soon to get done for indecent exposure as my jeans are so loose now. It’s not even 5 minutes before I am called in to his office, the nurse asks me to get on the scales and do you know what I have only gone and lost 2 stone 4lbs in 6 weeks. My surgeon is beaming a huge smile at me and asks me to sit down. I am still in shock with my weight loss, but he keeps smiling at me and asks how I am. I explain about all the sickness which he then asks me a ton of questions about. After pressing my stomach so hard I think his hand with suddenly emerge from my back he states that he needs to fully explain what actually happen in full detail during surgery as the notes just give a brief glimpse. He says that I am not healed enough to start puree it would seem, so I should go straight back to drinking liquids. Great I now have another 6 weeks of liquids which takes a lot of pressure off me for a while which I am totally fine with right now. It is better than chucking up each time I try anything resembling baby food texture (see 6-month-old baby, told ya). Now it’s time to hear some news about what actually happened in the surgery. So, with great glee my surgeon explains it was very complicated and he had to call 3 other surgeons to help out otherwise it would have taken easily over 12 hours to perform all that needed to be done. I apologise to him for which he says no it was great we never get to do this kind of work.

Ok let me breakdown what he said to me;
So, it was 3 surgeries as he mentioned before he then goes on to tell me that I have a wall that was constructed to protect my heart from the plastic tube that is now part of my oesophagus, my hernias had hernias of their own, how’s that for weird huh? My stomach was imbedded in my oesophagus and also in my hernia which had to be pulled down before being cut open. So far from what he has said there was tons being done to me. No wonder I felt like I had had a fight with a lot of lorries. He seemed quite shocked to see me coping as well as I was. He went on to confirm I would lose a lot more hair due to the stress my body underwent throughout the surgeries. Then he asked me a question I never thought I would ever hear. ‘Would I like to see photos from the surgery?’ Hmm let me think about that for a moment… erm yes please. Seriously when will I ever get the chance to see this sort of stuff again? 8 pages!!!! Yes 8 pages of pictures of my insides. I have to say my insides are a very pretty colour. My surgeon was like a giddy schoolboy showing me all the gory details and pictures. He showed me all 180 staples he put in my abdomen and I saw the picture of my stomach being pulled down to where it should be. Genuinely it was fascinating. Then he drops the clanger I have to have another surgery in 18 months’ time. I can’t believe it another surgery. Apparently once I have lost the weight I need to lose then my umbilical hernia will come back. To be honest this surgery has knocked me right on to my butt and it’s taking much longer to recover than I thought it would and the prospect of one more surgery is not good. Can I handle another one? He also informs me that I haven’t seen the last of him till then either. I have to see him every 6 months till my next surgery and must come clinic every 2 months too as they want to keep a very close eye on me. So, looks like I still have a very long way to go.


I have to attach a picture though to show you the difference to my face. I was in shock when I took the picture for my job it’s a pic of me 2 months before surgery and then 6 weeks post op.  Apologies for the fact that I am not smiling in it I wasn’t feeling too great when I took it. Adding another cheeky little pic taken two days before surgery when I got to meet my idol Dawn French who asked me if people mentioned how much I looked like her. Now that is a huge compliment because she is awesome.



 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

To contact Sarah email blog@bigmatters.co.uk and subject line of Sarah
Sarah is an independant blogger, the views and personal opinions expressed in blogs are soley those of the original authors and other contributors.
These views and opinions do not represent those of Big Matters and/or any/all contributors to this site.

 

 


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