Deborah's Journal We have followed the progress of Deborah,who volunteered to share her journey through having bariatric surgery. We know that her feelings will be shared by many of you .If any of you would like us to pass on messages to Deborah please email us at info@bigmatters.co.uk and we will forward your comments. If you are happy to share your comments with others let us know and we will include your email on our letters section below Thank you to Deborah from Big Matters and all those who have been with you on this journey.

UPDATE

March 10th 2008

It is quite some time since I last updated and for this I apologise. Life has been so busy and hectic that it takes me all my time to catch up with myself. What a difference 15 months has made and although for the last 6/7 months I have only lost about half a stone, all in all I have lost a total of 9 stone. I am currently around 19 and half stone which although still very heavy, allows me to do so many things.

With sadness I realise that I have been in a fat prison for the last 25 years - as the weight crept up, so my life slowed down so that even the most mundane things took on a life of its own. Because I needed to work, all my effort went into going to work each day and travelling whenever I have had to. In order not to show my limitations, I would research each day as a military campaign, some times arriving 1 hour earlier, so I could park outside where a meeting would take place. Now that is a thing of the past and I am essentially so much more mobile than I have ever been. I have to fight against my terrible lazy nature and having got used to asking people to bring me this and that, I now try and do it myself. We have been working in the same area for the last 10 years - I have never been to the shops in the area which is a 10 minute walk - the other day I walked around and saw hoiw the other half lived - other half, meaning the people who did not know what a luxury it is for me to walk.

Life is not without its problems - my hunger has returned and my sweet tooth and old habits die hard but it is for the moment manageable and whatever I am doing, it means that I either maintain my weight or loose a small amount.

i have taken to travelling for pleasure and at the drop of a hat, jump on a plane and am so excited, that it is like being young over again. I have noticed that people talk to me on a plane - before I was ignored because I perceived my self a blob and probably gave off those vibes. I have become attractive to men and now notice that I sometimes get a second look but having been out of that aspect, it is still something difficult to deal with.

Life is so exciting but I always remember how long it took me to take this decision and I regret so much I delayed for so many years - I would not have had the operation without my daughter putting her foot down and saying it was now or never. I am slowly repairing the relationship I have with my daughter - all the years she was given money to go and buy clothes because I could not go with her - all the fun things that Mothers do, and I had to sit down throughout. It is not easy and Rome was not built in a day but at least she has an active Mother, that she can feel proud of. just wish she would stop announcing at our home parties, how much weight I have lost.

All in all I am very happy I have had the operation and I know that the RNY was definitely the operation for me. I am working on more exercise and better control of my food intake and seeing how life is on the other side.

So all of you who are thinking of such an operation, please make ample preparation - read as much as possible and if you have the luxury of paying for it yourself, choose the surgeon wisely. The NHS seems to have come a long in leaps and bounds the operation appears to be more available. Once you have had the operation, you do need a support group and you need to continue trying very hard, especially through the first 18 months which is called the window of opportunity in my book as this will be the easiest time to loose weight.

Good luck to all

Deborah

June 14th 2007

I have lost a total of 7 stone and 3 pound – 5 stone of which after the operation and 2 stone before. 6 months has gone by since the operation and I am now getting into clothes that I havnt thrown away from 16 years ago. The compliments I receive are fantastic and I am thoroughly enjoying being the centre of attention. Has it been easy – no, not all the time and I am struggling now but the difference is enormous. I am able to walk through airports unaided. On some flights no longer need seat belt extension and generally have more of a will to live, rather than exist. My energy level whilst not normal, is so much more and I am also planning long term.

Everyone comments on my skin and how well it is – I go the gym admittedly only one a week but feel that I am really living instead of existing – it is a joy to get up in the morning. I now worry about my appearance and whilst I used to spend a fortune on clothes, that was the limit of my attention to myself – now I worry about make up and hair and definitely look so so much better.

I just wished I had done it years ago as I feel at least 10 years have been spent in hibernation and those were important years of my daughter growing up.

The struggle is now to avoid eating the wrong food, and one must always remember that it is a TOOL and you have to work with it. I am so pleased that my daughter pushed me into to having this operation as it has made a genuine difference to the qualify of my life.

Compared to others, I seem to be able to eat a good variety of food but I have stayed well away from sweet things. I am particularly glad that I have had an RNY as it has suited me in terms of weight loss. I see a hypnotherapist for my head in order to avoid going back to old ways and this seems to be helping.Good luck to you all

February 2nd 2007

Well I finally went ahead and took the plunge and had the operation. If my Daughter hadn’t cried on a recent plane trip in November because I didn’t fit into the seat and get very upset, doubt whether I would have gone ahead. Going into theatre, I was cracking jokes, more to protect her than anyone. The first two days I was flying, no pain and in great shape – so had the instant pain medication removed and then trouble hit – hospital refused to give it back and instead gave me injections. For the whole time I was in hospital, found it very difficult to sleep but that is not an uncommon problem with me. After 5 days went home and a few days later, developed a wound infection. My Surgeon was fantastic and had given me his mobile number – suffice to say I had to change the dressings via the hospital for about 3 weeks and now can do it myself. At home couldn’t get motivated to do any exercise and just lay around, waiting for the go ahead to fly to Florida for rest and recuperation and finally was given that and flew off on 9th January. I almost didn’t make it as just making my way through Gatwick made me feel terrible and flight crew asked my friends if it was advisable to fly – they just insisted and the rest is history. I wouldn’t say it has been easy and at times I have thought was it worthwhile but now 7 weeks down the road and two sizes and 3 stone lighter, I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel (it was a very long tunnel). I am waiting to loose at least a further 24 pounds when I will be rejoicing in the streets, as this would be my lowest in 8 years – of course beyond this I have a long way to go.

Healthwise, whilst I don’t waddle like Donald Duck anymore, my arthritis is still there and am hoping with a few more kilos that I will feel better – however have returned to work with more energy and really feel better than I have done for a long time. I just wish I had done it sooner as I feel life has passed me by. In any event am thinking positive. I had been using the expression HEAD HUNGER for times when I really fancied something but I think it is more HABIT than HEAD HUNGER – for years I have been rewarding myself for feeling blue, happy, down, up, in love, out of love, problems with teenagers with food and it was my best friend – now will have to find alternatives and although I have very good friends, I realize I have been relying on them for years. They have done everything and now must stop BEING LAZY and get cracking.

So all in all feeling positive and recommend to anyone who has doubts – if you know you cant do it alone, don’t waste time and think seriously about having help. I am available to talk to anyone about my particular type of operation. However would just say that having visited three surgeons, I am so pleased I chose mine – he has been excellent, caring and contactable – it does make all the difference. I just wish there was my support in the form of meetings, which I believe is a strong + in USA.

Will update my progress but what a pleasure not buying the largest size in the shop.

December 6th 2006

Well as the big day approached – 9th December – I cannot begin to describe the emotions that I have gone through. Having known that I would have to have surgery for some months now, I had sought to avoid it with so many excuses – I also wanted to prove to myself that I didn’t need it – went on holiday in the summer and put all the weight back on that I had lost. Every day, week month I would say I have X number of days weeks months before the Op, if I loose weight, I don’t need it. Yes, you guesses it, I didn’t do anything – have only managed to keep about 10 kilos off..

About 3 weeks ago had a major wobbly – reading a USA website, it said that mini gastric bypass was better than RNY – a very credible surgeon with webcam then began to extol the virtues of mini gastric bypass and why it was superior – so fired off a number of msges to him, to find out cost, etc. ?Bottom line is that I asked if he has operated on UK persons, the answer was YES – asked if I could contact them _ answer was YES and since then have heard nothing.

Referred matter to my surgeon and he said very reassuringly he felt best option was RNY for me. I then put that idea away and have felt more calm and comfortable.

I decided to keep myself busy, so have started flying around on business and have exhausted myself but it was the only way to avoid getting myself into a state. So back now and have 3 very busy days work wise ahead of me.

My personal affairs are in a state and I feel so bad in case anything happens to me but really there is no going back. In a way I am looking forward to it but the big thing comes up, WHAT TAKES THE PLACE OF FOOD – I AM NOT a knitting person but no doubt something will come to mind

In order to make it work, I have enlisted the help of a dietician and physiologist recommended by my surgeon – it is refreshing to meet a dietician who isn’t stick thin, preaching the inevitable. Watch this space.

So for all those of you who can’t make up your mind – what made me go for it is because life is passing me by and I am not taking part at all – it seems for those like me who are SUPER OBESE (there isn’t a higher category), there is no hope only through surgery.

Deborah

 

September 18th 2006

Well it is one step forward and two back. During the summer I have put all the weight bar 4 pounds that I lost when I did the 3 month healthier weight course – when I emailed my surgeon, I asked whether he could still operate. He prefers that I loose weight before he operates. Because of my age and size, I tend to agree with him. However my daughter who is on a gap year is up in arms and is very very unhappy with me.

Currently have started again another two month course for healthier weight centre which basically is 3 shakes, 1 soup and one of their meals per day – it is easy to follow and I just hope the second time around doesn’t make me loose interest.

It is amazing how difficult it is to get people to help you – I am hosting a dinner table at well known Cricket Ground this evening – it is a campaign organized by my daughter’s school for fund raising. I asked if they would be prepared to heat up my food in a microwave and serve it – response – no one is allowed to bring food into the venue.

So my operation is on hold, as is my life – I have now started taking apart from the diet, some herbal pills and a tea to reduce the appetite and flush out the toxins – I feel a lot better for this, although it does make you tired to start off with.

I do need an operation date , if only to work towards but I don’t want to rush the surgeon into making a decision.Oh to be Twiggy and doing adverts for M & S, instead of being a sack of potatoes or dumbo the elephant .Watch this space and pray for a date or a break through.

 

August 21st 2006

If anything convinced me that I definitely needed this RNY OPERATION , was my holiday. As usual I went through the usual story of saying to myself I would be good and not cheat and actually loose weight –I would exercise and swim etc. I would prove to myself that I didn’t need to have this operation. Reality – I ate for England for a month – each day was as if it was my last – my daughter who lately has taken the role of food police person, spent her entire month watching like a hawk what I was eating – end result, I am now a secret, quick eater. The experts who say that there really is no other choice for morbidly obese are entirely right – so although the date is quite far off, I am actually looking forward to it. No doubt nearer the time I will have a massive panic attack. Looking at the WLS webwsite, I read a survey for people as to whether they regretted their surgery or not – most people say that for the first one or two months they regretted it but after the weight loss and when life started settling down, they wished they had done it earlier – any regrets were more to do with bands than RNY. This gave me some assurance. I did take three books away with me to read and all on the subject of SURGERY – it made interesting reading and also gave an insight into what I must do to prepare myself.

I hope all of you who have not made a decision, decide one way or another because it does give you peace of mind.

I have started a diet again in an attempt to rein in my appetite and I know that two weeks before the operation I will have to follow a strict diet to shrink the fat around my liver. On Wednesday I have a medical with a heart specialist recommended by my surgeon. – so watch this space.

July 17th 2006

Here I am again!

Going on holiday tomorrow to Greece. My daughter is taking with her 7 friends from school for a holiday of a life time. How will I cope and keep up with them? That is a big question and how will I manage to not make my daughter look stupid. Do I go swimming and let her friends see what a beach whale I am – or do I look at the positive side and see how happy my daughter is with her friends being there. What do I pack, a serious of Demi Roussos caftans, for those of you of an age to remember this greek singer. To me, everything I wear makes me look terrible.

On a positive side, I have purchased an exercise book and started a food diary – I started yesterday going back to the Healthier Weight Centre type diet and it worked well until the evening – but I am writing everything down. I went to see a homeopathic doctor, who gave me some tablets, basically I went and explained that I would be going on 14th October to have surgery and what could I take to make my recovery easier – she basically went through my diet and kept stressing the need for protein and no carbs at night. She was very good but homeopathic medicine does take time to work – I will keep it up.

My daughter read my previous posting and was very upset – I don’t think she had realized how difficult life is and was on a daily basis – for the first time she felt sorry for me rather than being angry. I don’t know which is worse.As far as I am concerned, I feel a certain sense of calm and what I aim to do is to make sure that I stick to some sort of diet whilst on holiday. After all, if I cant do that, what makes me think I can stick to the rules after the operation?

I have been encouraged by some people on the WLS website when I asked if there were any oldies out there and whilst the oldest was in their 60s , none had my weight – I am not alone and that means something.

July 10th 2006

I am 57 years old and weigh 28 stone – at my heaviest I have weighed 30 stone.

I was a normal child until 7/8 – my parents divorced and we moved UK. MY Mother was British and father American. I went to a series of boarding schools dependant on where my Mother worked and by the time I was 11, I had a weight problem. My Mother remarried and my weight increased. On my Mother’s side everyone is quite tall and large and obviously being overweight runs in the family. At 11 I was sent to Hammersmith Hospital and put on Pond Stan, which was a sort of drug for appetite control, but managed to send you into frenzy and never being able to sleep was one of the things that happened to me.

My secondary education was pretty miserable due to my weight, although I always managed to take part in sports and social activities but I was felt on the outside. Leaving school I went to a College e and spent 2 miserable years there – to get up and walk to the line for the canteen was a major battle and I felt all eyes were on me. Leaving school I had a succession of jobs and was always a hard worker, sometimes having 3 jobs – working in an office during the day, a hotel kiosk at weekends and a restaurant at night. Leaving home when I was 19 made me very independent and somehow content. I had lost weight without trying too hard but then slowly put it back on. At that time I went to Harley Street for a 3 week course which involved injections and pills – ultimately the doctor was banned some years later.

At 21 I went to work in Greece – I was at an acceptable level in terms of weight but over the next 10 years slowly piled it on, until I reached 100kgs – a succession of bad relationships due to my low self esteem made my eating habits out of control. I was transferred back to London to work for the same Greek Shipping company at the age of 31.

Weight continued to pile on and during this period tried various methods to loose weight. My longest time to follow a diet was one month and then everything else I lost was put on and then some!

When I was 39 I fell pregnant and despite all odds had a baby girl – the pregnancy was fine until the 30th week when I started having swelling of the ankles but as I felt as if I was superwoman, I continued traveling for my company and worked up to I was hospitalized . My daughter was born with amniotic bands on her fingers which basically meant her fingers on some of the digits were not perfectly formed – like an elastic band wrapped around each finger – her early childhood was made up of me being hugely tired all the time and struggling to go to work and also be with her – although I love her too bits, I was also very strict.

She is now 18 and has just left school. During that period I tried the following weight loss diets

Weight watchers – about 5 times – most I lost was 10 kilos
Slimming world – this gave me a carbohydrate craving which I have to this day – I would eat rice 3 times a day and other types of starchy food – although I lost weight I felt sluggish all the time
I went on an NHS diet of milk for 6 weeks and then slowly reintroduced food – it took 1 year to get on the programme – I lost 20 kilos and kept it off for about 1 year – that was about 9 years ago
4. I have tried nutritionists, hypnotists, and other alternative therapy

My latest diet was with the Healthier Weight Centre this year and I followed their programme and lost 30 pounds- however due to my traveling, find it very difficult to attend each week and have fallen by the way side.

When I joined, I told myself either I have the operation or I follow this – so in my usual patter, I followed it and then lost the plot.

For the last 2 years I have been pondering whether to have WLS and at the end of last year made a date for lap band surgery – I got cold feet and cancelled it and did a similar thing at the start of this year. I have seen 3 specialists to obtain their opinion and whilst they all agreed I needed surgery, I finally have made up my mind to be operated on. This is no easy decision because of my age and weight and also my daughter’s age and being a single parent – however I believe I have no other choice.

My current health problems are

Arthritis of the knees – so bad I can hardly walk

Lymphodema of the lower limbs – a condition which means you have to take antibiotics and your legs swell up – you have to wear support hose that make your look like Nora Batty

High blood pressure – controlled by medication

And generally I am a disabled person – by that I mean I can hardly walk – at home I have to sit to do any job, so there are stools everywhere – I cant go shopping with my daughter and order everything on line – when I travel I have to get wheelchairs as I cannot make it through the airport – at any social function I never dance – I am a couch potato

The sad part of it is I have a wonderful job, a fantastic daughter and could have a good life style but am just too large to enjoy everything.

Every day is a struggle – to get up is a struggle and get ready – I am exhausted – If I have people around, everyone has to look after themselves.

So finally as I said before I have decided to have the operation at Kings College Hospital on 14th October. I have decided to go for the RNY and basically it was the surgeon Mr Patel’s suggestion and having made the

Decision for the first time in my life I feel calm. I hope to continue feeling like this up until the time of the operation.

Now the big question is how much I can currently help my self. I need to loose weight to make the risks lower and to make the fat around the liver smaller, so it is easier to operate.

I have to make an appointment with the cardiologist and no doubt other tests. So far my GP has been supportive. I have been looking at the WLS website and can find very few people my age who are being operated on. I am of course worried; however I am equally worried about my current health. This is not a life when I wake up tired and go to bed exhausted – I find very little pleasure in anything.

I hope you can relate to my struggles and I will keep you posted of how things go on.

July 2006 Deborah

Letters to Deborah

28/7/06

Hi Deborah, I booked my own surgery today - for September the 8th. Whilst trawling the net for information I came across and read your journal. If you are anything like me, you have been to the darkest imaginable place regarding your weight and I feel that having made this decision and positive step, then the only way is up!
I am 43 years old and my BMI is 44, I have always had a weight problem but I have seriously ballooned since coming to live in the middle east 5 years ago. I too have tried every conventional diet and dodgy Doctor who prescribes slimming pills. I share your fears about not coming out of the surgery, in my case because I am a nurse and I can think of the mot unlikely scenarios possible!! What frightens me far more is the series of diseases that I am slowly bringing upon myself by my constant weight gain. Making this decision has been a weight off my shoulders - pardon the pun!
I don't think your age or the amount of weight involved is a stumbling block - morbidly obese is morbidly obese, why fixate on a number? Have you contacted any of the American sites - you may find heavier people who have undergone the procedure there, simply because it is so much more of a problem there........but as ever we Brits are catching up fast!!
I will be following your journal and I truly congratulate you on your life-changing decision....I hope your daughter knows what a sensational mum she has and your losses in terms of weight will be her gain in terms of a much, much longer time with you!
Take care

A.

15/9/06

good luck Deborah! i have just had a gastric bypass and in 5 weeks i lost 3 stone! i hope all goes well and you have a successful and happy life.
karen x

useful links

British Obesity Surgery Patients Association

www.bospa.org Offers information on surgical procedures and post operative support.

Weight Loss Surgery

http://www.wlsinfoforums.org.uk/ Forum site offering the chance to exchange experiences of surgery.